八月

微量自残提及（主要是心理暗示）

水仙

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August 6th

I had tea time with the girl that I love this afternoon. The elementary school where she worked was going to be demolished, so she lost her job. She didn’t cry and just made a statement about her situation. I wanted to look at her, but I didn't want to look her in the eyes at the same time； because I know there’s no love, only asking for help. If she is just a friend, then I will help without any tangled thoughts. But I love her, so I hate myself. Every time I talk with her, I feel like it’s me begging her for love, which makes me nauseous, but I can’t stop. She doesn’t love me; I knew it at the beginning; she loves him, who had hurt her badly. It’s like a circle: I love her, she loves him, he and I got entangled… Anyway, I gave her my promise that I would help her find another teaching job.

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